Stalin’s Balls of Steel

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Hello everyone,

when it comes to the tank industry, every nation has its own really weird shit, where the only question that comes to your mind when reading about it is “what were they smoking?” (followed by “and where can I get it”). For the Germans, it was the various “supertank” projects like the “Ratte” or the “Monster”, after all, those are widely known. For the British, there were a couple of outrageous terrible projects as well, but the Soviets IMHO beat them all with a concept so outrageous and silly that it immediately trumps the German fantasies.

Recently, Yuri Pasholok wrote a new book, called “Stalin’s Balls of Steel” – yes, the name sounds as awkward in Russian as it does in English and if you think the name is good, wait until you see its cover.

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Yep, that’s it. Meet the Soviet “ball tanks”. Honestly, I am not sure how serious this is, because Yuri Pasholok is known for his elaborate trolling and this sounds very, very troll-ish. You don’t have to be an engineer to recognize that this idea is completely outlandísh (at least in WW2 conditions without all the gadgets even we don’t have) and I have doubts that any such vehicle could even move, let alone fight. Ironically, it was the Germans, who actually created something like that (the mysterious Kugelpanzer), but of course, that was on an entirely different scale.

Either way, if it’s a joke, it’s a very elaborate one. There was even a presentation announced on main Wargaming page – RU server, of course (it took place day before yesterday apparently).

Yuri Pasholok also created sort of angry post, where he reacts on some issues with this entire matter, claiming that

- the name of the book is not silly and 20 years ago, other books came out with names that sound silly today
- the book is completely serious and not a troll attempt
- it’s a serious research work, based on Russian MOD archives
- ball-shaped combat vehicles are not funny and the fact we can’t imagine them working now doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future, Americans are allegedly developing such drones (SS: sorry, in connection with the name, it’s funny as hell, at this point, I was giggling like mad when reading the post)

At this point, Yuri Pasholok got also pissed about people claiming various fake stuff, including the fact that Jpz E-100 “Krokodil” apparently made it into some “serious” literature. Not sure how that is connected to a book about steel balls of Stalin (hihi :D), but if Krokodil appeared in “serious literature”, that makes such literature not serious.

Anyway, the book exists and you can actually already buy it already I think (in Russian only, of course). Some of you might remember the 1st April of 2013, when these “ball tanks” were jokingly introduced as “new Soviet branch”. Personally, I find the idea of such contraptions rolling across the country side amusing, but I can see how it might appeal to someone. Let’s just hope this won’t appear in World of Tanks in the end.

And on the topic of “Balls of Steel”…. sorry, can’t help it…

 

41 thoughts on “Stalin’s Balls of Steel”

  1. LOL… that video is hysterical…. how exactly do you kill someone “old style”… with a big stick or a club I guess :)

  2. Would be intresting. Bet if you detrack the thing it will roll down the hill.

    Also funny vid.

  4. The advantage of ball-shaped tanks is that, if everything else fails, you can always roll them off some hill toward the enemy and have them crush enemy tanks. :)

    Edit: I was typing to slow, and this idea was already proposed…

  5. As funny as it is, rational angles of armor plates is a good thing and a trademark of soviet tanks.
    Look at Object 279 – weird as hell. Imagine it in battle, however. There is no armour plate, that is easy to penetrate (given shooter is at roughly the same level and not shooting from above or beyond).
    Same idea might have worked with sperical tanks. Of course, in modern warfare, when everybody uses HEAT it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t see why such ideas should have been rejected in WWII era.

    • Fact: The design of Obj. 279 is looking weird because the requirements stated that the tank must have enough strength to withstand a nuclear weapon blast.

    • Object 279 looks like UFO and “Stalin’s Balls of Steel” looks like Pacman I WANT THEM IN THE GAME!!!!!!!

    • Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls-Balls of Steel. :DDDDD

  8. well the extra piece at the back should solve some of the issues with stopping turning and driving up an incline. Not completely though

  9. “Come on, guys. The book isn’t fake. I’m super serial.”
    Yuri Pasholok

  11. so .. how do you steer them? do they tilt or something ?

    but, to transform forward motion to circular motion, you need quite a lot of speed .. and I don’t see them speeding (unless down hill :D )

  12. Imagine the picture:
    “And here we see WG employee scrubbing the rust from Steel Ball of Stalin”

  16. “the name of the book is not silly and 20 years ago, other books came out with names that sound silly today”

    Yeah, but in this case he wrote a book today with a title that sounds silly today…

  17. I think someone in the archives trolled Pasholok.
    He’s good at digging but his understanding of engineering is extremely poor.

    • It was an actual project, though how well developed it got or whether they saw the drawings and executed the idiot who made them I don’t know, its in the similar line of thinking that spawned the Czar tank, which was actually built.

      • The “tail” on the back does solve a lot of the problems and only creates one with regards to throwing the tracks when turning.

    • From what I gather “wheelform” vehicles were seriously investigated in the Thirties although the actual test models were apparently about motorycle-sized. The USSR flirted enough with some really avant-garde concepts that someone elaborating the idea into AFV proposals is hardly unbelievable, but not hard to guess why those wouldn’t have gone beyond design studies. After all, even assuming all the practical technical problems were satisficatorily solved there remains the usual killer question – “why should we bother?”
      ‘S not like these things could have done anything a “box-on-tracks” tank couldn’t do *at least* just as well after all, and in tactical terms present several obvious problems.

  18. That trolling video, so funny. I’m amazed that no one in that channel realised it was Duke Nukem.

    • There’s an awesome Duke voice pack for WoT that I’ve been running for years – Starting a battle with “Time for some fisting!” takes the sting out of the tomato teams somewhat…

  19. That guy is a total clown. It makes me wonder how he still has a job esp with all of the rants he goes off on.
    He looks like a total drunk or downie with that tankers helmet on.

    • Those were basically “these concepts” + “turrets, turrets everywhere”. That you didn’t have to be an engineer to realise the latter would have been virtually inoperable was quite likely part of the joke.