Secret Russian Military Plans for Europe Uncovered!

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Silentstalker

Thanks to John for this one.

Russian TV is a really funny place :) Check this out – these are the supersecret Russian military plans for Europe!

Yes, it’s some comedy show and yes, I actually had a good laugh :) Good job.

67 thoughts on “Secret Russian Military Plans for Europe Uncovered!”

Thecraftyfoxs on February 12, 2015 at 11:55 am said:

The secret plans for Ukraine is going well…….
- jontheblack on February 12, 2015 at 12:30 pm said:
  
  The real scary thing is, Putin prolly watched this and took notes…..
  - taisserroots on February 12, 2015 at 12:33 pm said:
    
    Time to wear tin foil hats again. Yawn
    - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:53 pm said:
      
      No, this was made with his notes as a script.
- Preddy_ on February 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm said:
  
  For we who spent our youth diving under our school desks whenever the air raid siren was tested… just not really funny
SuperSpy on February 12, 2015 at 11:57 am said:

They did this because later they can say that they told us about this but we did not listen.
- Abusemtex on February 12, 2015 at 12:08 pm said:
  
  They might break through the first line but as soon as they reach the second line of supermarkets everyone will be to drunk to drive on – even for russians.
  - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:18 pm said:
    
    Naah, just plant lots of potatoes on the border. The way that things are going for our comrades they will not be interested in going any further if there is enough food there to sustain FLASH! BOOOOOOOOM..
    
    WTF? Oh, look. There is a mushroom cloud looming over Warsaw. Seems someone got offended…
Darth Glorious on February 12, 2015 at 12:04 pm said:

wet dream……………..
rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:04 pm said:

Yee, i have seen this in the polish news too, The difference is the reporter who posted the news did not understand (or knowingly left it out…) that it is some kind of comedy show…. which i deducted it must be after looking at it without understanding any russian…
- Darth Glorious on February 12, 2015 at 12:13 pm said:
  
  The problem is that russians don’t believe it as a comedy show. They believe all the shits their TV-show thrown at them without questions
  - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:20 pm said:
    
    Why do you think that? They can not all be polish reporters….
    - Darth Glorious on February 12, 2015 at 12:32 pm said:
      
      there are useful idiots anywhere, there are also some of my compatriots believing this shit without questions
      - taisserroots on February 12, 2015 at 12:34 pm said:
        
        You really are stupid to actually believe what you said
        
        Darth Glorious on February 12, 2015 at 12:38 pm said:
        
        Nope, I see that you are so stupid to understand what I said…
        
        rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:40 pm said:
        
        @taisserroots
        
        Believe what? That there are idiots everywhere? I can find a few hundred in a couple of hours just having a poll in my neighbourhood. XD
        
        askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 12:52 pm said:
        
        Intellectual European dialogue. Arguments. Facts. Proof. Respect another point of view.
        
        “You idiot!” – “No, you idiot”
        
        )))))
        
        rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:57 pm said:
        
        Intellectual Russian dialogue. Arguments. Facts. Proof. Respect another point of view.
        
        “You drunk!” – “No, you drunk”
        
        Please dont sends nukes in my direction :-D
        
        Fischer on February 12, 2015 at 9:41 pm said:
        
        Come on Mr. rabiesdog, Russians are better than that.
        
        http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/09/16/us-russia-kant-shooting-idUSBRE98F0DI20130916
Panzer_Fenris on February 12, 2015 at 12:15 pm said:

They are too generous. The west simply cannot accept all of this, knowing the financial issues they’ve gotten themselves in…
Instead, we’ll come visit them! Glorious NATO parade trough the whole of Russia, every Russian town and city on the path to the pacific border! No problem!
- askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 12:26 pm said:
  
  No, comrad, in Soviet Russia Soviet Russia comes to visit you. Only in this way)).
  - taisserroots on February 12, 2015 at 12:35 pm said:
    
    Dig up stalins grave and send the body to Washington. Soviet russia comes to you
    - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:42 pm said:
      
      Too heavy, the body is made of stalinium. Only Stalins will can move it.
    - askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 12:45 pm said:
      
      Necrophile? No way!!!
      - Oberonium on February 12, 2015 at 1:31 pm said:
        
        Good to see old comrades in this internet-battles!
  - For Pewpew on February 12, 2015 at 12:42 pm said:
    
    If you are that sure, so tell me why your leader has brown smeared pants when thinking of NATO?
    - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:51 pm said:
      
      Because he spilled some oil on them when he lubed the gears on the glorious soviet tanks?
      - lisovp on February 12, 2015 at 12:56 pm said:
        
        Yes.You better lube the tanks better they get fisted up the ass by NATO.
      - For Pewpew on February 12, 2015 at 1:03 pm said:
        
        What I’m talking about is darkbrown Piroschki smear, what you are talking about is sex oil for lubing average russians anus.
        
        rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 1:40 pm said:
        
        I like Piroschki. Never seen any though in the form of darkbrown smear unless they come out… OOOH! You dirty bastard!
SmellyOne on February 12, 2015 at 12:17 pm said:

Ive got couple of emails of people asking me to confirm that translation was correct.

Apparently people dont understand that this is just Russians screwing around with western stereotypes via satire. Im not sure how people can miss on that having in mind that in the background you can hear music from Red Alert 3 (i think it was 3?) the Soviet March.
- BigCheese256 on February 12, 2015 at 12:22 pm said:
  
  It’s pretty funny actually how often Red Alert 3 music is used in videos such as these.
- taisserroots on February 12, 2015 at 12:36 pm said:
  
  The amount of idiots who thought people in Russia legitimately agree with this.
WaffulMann on February 12, 2015 at 12:20 pm said:

How the fuck can anyone, ANYONE take this seriously, nevermind like 3/4ths of the people who watched it. Is the world really that stupid? Holy jesus babby mary drunk on vodka man.
- Alexander Boch on February 12, 2015 at 12:28 pm said:
  
  Actually most of the people are indeed very stupid. Reading many comments day by day it is just like a mirror ingame, no difference.
  I just feel sorry for everbody that does not understand this masterpiece of humor and satire..
dgptapov on February 12, 2015 at 12:21 pm said:

im sorry, but this is not a comedy show, this is a “joke”on a real news show.
Link to full show : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0al3qai_c4
- rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:29 pm said:
  
  Why are you sorry?
- askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 12:29 pm said:
  
  It’s a joke anyway.
- pesymistyczny on February 12, 2015 at 12:38 pm said:
  
  Yup, and it’s part of russian reactions after polish foreign affairs minister said that also Ukrainians (of 1st Ukrainian Front, 1st tank which got there was commanded by Ukrainian soldier) not just Russians liberated Auschwitz. Few days later he proposed to celebrate “2nd WW ending” in Westerplatte instead of Moscow and shitstorm started. We all know how Russians are attached to their version of history…
  - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:44 pm said:
    
    He should go back to gardening.
- ZaPierogi on February 12, 2015 at 2:21 pm said:
  
  Invading Ukraine and telling “jokes” about invading other countries is so “funny”.
  “Joke” is as “funny” as “subtle” like farting on the street. We can, of course, answer with such “funny” jokes like: “Russian tankers will be too drunk to get to Warsaw, trafic police is enough to stop them”, “Russian tank will not get to Warsaw within 24 h of driving, cause it is broken down every 30 minutes of driving”.
  - MaterielDefender on February 12, 2015 at 2:44 pm said:
    
    Russian tanks will stop a few miles after the Polish border because they don’t have any Euros left to pay the bill at the gas station to refuel.
  - Steiner on February 12, 2015 at 7:44 pm said:
    
    @ZaPierogi , I see your surgery went well.
  - CN1994 on February 12, 2015 at 8:04 pm said:
    
    And my question again: Are there ANY proofs for Russian soldiers in the eastern Ukraine? I haven’t seen them yet.
    I think that it isn’t coincidence that Kiew told us about 50 Russian tanks right after the meeting in Minsk. Maybe think about that the Ukrainian government is the bad one and not the Russians…
askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 12:32 pm said:

Video posted on Ukrainian channel. Most commentators – Ukrainians, and they have a very bad sense of humor. Russian just a little laugh.
- rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:37 pm said:
  
  Well…. if your country was invaded and the invador makes jokes about invasions…. Need i say more?
  - askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 12:43 pm said:
    
    This video does not have anything to Ukraine. Ukraine cannot into humor.
    
    “if your country was invaded” If Russia really invaded, the Russian tanks would have been a long time in Kiev. But I have no desire to talk about it now. If dumb Europeans and dumb Ukrainians do not understand the humor and irony – these are the problems of Europeans and Ukrainians, but not Russian.
    - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 12:46 pm said:
      
      Ehmm… u have missed the entire Crimea thing. Yes? Chill dude… Your are just proving a stereotype now…
      - askold-kr on February 12, 2015 at 1:00 pm said:
        
        *wearily* Do you really think that I’m curious to prove anything now?
        
        About tanks in Kiev – all combat-ready troops of Ukraine are now fighting in the Donbas. All the rest of Ukraine defenseless. So if Putin wanted to capture Ukraine – everything could be done relatively easily.
        
        rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 1:05 pm said:
        
        I ment you fitting a stereotype, not you trying to prove anything.
      - Oberonium on February 13, 2015 at 4:22 pm said:
        
        No, he didn`t. Troops always was in Crimea. Nobody drops or enter it. And militia was Berkyt officers who leave other Ukranian territories saving their lives and lives of their families
Solitaire on February 12, 2015 at 1:17 pm said:

At least the military propaganda on FOX News looks cool…this one is just naive.

It’s a shame that in these days there are still people believing in such revanchist needs and imperialistic might of their respective countries. West, east, far east, orient….all nuts.

Truth is – the winners are always the same but it is not the people!!!!!
- For Pewpew on February 12, 2015 at 3:40 pm said:
  
  This supposed to be a “joke” on a news channel – while real people dying in ukraine.
  But you’re right of course and this won’t change the next 1000 years, until eagerness for power is cut out of everyones DNA.
Dr_Wycior on February 12, 2015 at 1:35 pm said:

LOL.
I ain’t even mad.

Also: polite reminder, that both original Red Alert endings went really bad for the Stalin :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnwKNynuqYw
- Bizolol on February 12, 2015 at 2:27 pm said:
  
  Soviet ending ftw
  For the Brotherhood!
fighting_falcon93 on February 12, 2015 at 2:18 pm said:

Hmm they never mentioned Sweden :D I guess that our armys strength is so low that it’s not even worth considering LOL :D
- MaterielDefender on February 12, 2015 at 2:45 pm said:
  
  They never were in Sweden, so they don’t know it exists. ;-)
  - rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 5:16 pm said:
    
    Their submarine captains certainly know where it is. They get *lost* over there in the swedish archipelago from time to time. :-)
    
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_submarine_S-363
  - Oberonium on February 13, 2015 at 4:24 pm said:
    
    Someone doesn`t know history…
Lenxor on February 12, 2015 at 3:44 pm said:

I love the Soviet March music from Red Alert 3! Made by Americans, but still it’s the most “Soviet” music.
- Kvasnikov on February 12, 2015 at 5:45 pm said:
  
  The title music was the only good thing in that game :)
Libertas on February 12, 2015 at 5:56 pm said:

I say, “Bring it суки”! ;)
- rabiesdog on February 12, 2015 at 6:41 pm said:
  
  I really hope they do not bring anything but vodka and good aircraft engineering. For both theirs and our sake.
theepictanker100 on February 12, 2015 at 11:18 pm said:

I’m tired of your political comments Silent Stalker, I thought this site was about a video game…
- rabiesdog on February 13, 2015 at 7:19 am said:
  
  Yes, you are wrong. It is about a internet game and various other things that comes to his mind. Never seen him do anything on a video game here.
  
  Where did you see him make a political comment in this posting?
  - Fischer on February 13, 2015 at 10:46 am said:
    
    Any online game is also a video game.
Liderc Nyomás on February 13, 2015 at 6:53 am said:

Sorry guys, I can not laugh … yes they can do that